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Fear and how to handle it

Fear seems to be a  powerful monster, always stronger than our willpower, an enemy that keeps us from going to the dentist, that makes us fail when we face an exam, and prevents us from being open and honest to a loved one. Fear makes us stutter when speaking in front of big audiences, makes us shiver when we try to pet a dog and in the end fear locks us in our own houses and does not let us out again. Fear is stronger than we are, it keeps us down and never allows any exeptions.

Fear stops us from loving our lives. Fear is bad, mean, ugly, a terrorist, the evil – whatever. A rose is a rose and fear is fear and you cannot do anything about it. Is that really so? If you should think so you may mistake something non-physical for something physical. Fear is not like a car, which you drive into the garage, close the door and still it is there. It is our language that makes us think so. In fact fear is not something outside ourselves, fear develops inside of us. We produce it ourselves! So try not to use the word ‚fear‘ as noun, but as a verb, then you will see what I mean. I fear my boss is something else than I have fear of my boss. It is not something that you have, unchangeable like your grandma, it is something you produce - again and again and again.

Cherry Tree
Cherry Tree

Once you have understood the meaning of language in this case, you can consider brandnew concepts of overcoming fear. Try to learn this yourself and teach it your clients: never use nouns, when expressing emotions. Do not say: I have depressions, but I feel depressed. See the difference?

Something that you do and feel can be controlled. It is not a monster outside yourself ruling your feelings. Emotions find the origin and growth within oneself. So this is about how to become not only creator, but master of our emotions. Noone else besides myself makes this feeling like being strangled or overwhelmed, nobody produces my adrenaline but me. Most of us find it easier to seek the origin in the outside: the hairy spider, the barking dog, the landlord or the fate serve us as reasons for feeling anxious. The first step to overcome fear must be to take responsibility for oneself. And for one‘s feelings. But ... how the hell can I do this?

Mimulus
Mimulus

The well-known encourageing essences work all in a similar way: a person feels fear – can he or she name the object (an exam, a confrontation, a dog), the appropriate essence is Mimulus; is he unable to tell, what he is afraid of – take Aspen or St. John‘s Wort; is someone afraid of others, it is Pear or Red Chestnut; is he afraid of losing his mind: Cherry Plum; or is there a tendency to panic: Rock Rose.

So far, so good. Observing fear now from a different perspective as something produced by myself, a new question comes up. No longer „What makes the fear of me?“, but „What can I do with my fear?“. And: if it is me who make the fear, why should I not be able to make something else, something better. What about optimism e.g.?

But again: how can I do this? It is easy to say: don‘t be afraid. It is not just as easy to simply not doing it. What else then could I do? Perhaps become angry or communicative ...

Once established fear indeed seems to have a life of its own. First I just was afraid of holding a lecture in public. Not realy important, how many people suffer from stage fright?! But later I experienced the fear even when I was in public, perhaps attending a party, and that felt somehow a little stranger. At last I prefer to become invisible, only when nobody can see me I feel safe. So my tiny little stage fright turned into a giant phobia. And like always it would have been much easier to cope with the upcoming fear right in the beginning, but then I did not take it too seriously and now it has grown into the above mentioned Gozila-type monster, that locks me in my own house.

What can I do then? Perhaps try to imitate a little Snowdrop: uninhibited, curious, courageous. Even when it is still so cold outside and snow is on the ground – so what? I simply try to work my way through the snow and see what is above: a new sun, a new life, a new and unexpected success. This is the first day of my new life. Who cares about my fears from the past? Certainly not me!

Snowdrop
Snowdrop

Indeed Snowdrop offers us her essence as a tool to overcome fear, even or should I better say: especially when is has lasted years and has become kind of chronic. That is true for fear, but also for other sufferings like depressions. Snowdrop wants to get to the light and that is what she makes us, too. We see the light at the end of the tunnel. She makes it through the darkness and so can we.

This essences teaches us how it feels to be an innocent child again, no former failures that prevent us from the necessary steps towards a happy future. And our self-worth grows with every little step, with every little success. We made it in spite of our anxiety, now we can try a higher goal. And with every experience of success we more and more forget about the blockages, fear once caused.

Everyone who wants a second try, a new start, a new life – whatever it was he or she was suffering from – should try some Snowdrops. When nothing else helps, no Mimulus and no Aspen, try a combination with Snowdrop. And see the world with new eyes.

Part 3 of the »How to handle your fears« series There are two major forces making take us action, you may call them the big motivators.
Fear and how to handle it - Part 2What a strange phenomenon: people suffering from fear expect it to come back and develop a new one, the fear of the return
Marion Leigh throws Light and Love on a common problem of the fear of public speaking. Social anxiety is a problem I have been battling with personally
SP is a generic term for any kind of anxiety disorder that amounts to an unreasonable or irrational fear related to exposure to specific objects or situations.
Last month we looked at general anxiety disorder, and this time we will be focusing on obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).  OCD is an anxiety disorder
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